Gift Giving

Anyone who has read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages would recognize receiving gifts as one of the love languages. A person with this primary love language not only enjoys receiving gifts, but also giving them. I am writing this post as a person who does not have the primary love language of receiving gifts. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts, but not gifts just for the sake of gift giving. As a person who’s love language is quality time, I would rather a person come to my birthday party empty handed, or with a six-pack of root beer we can share, than to send me a costly gift that I cannot use.

Gift giving needs to be thoughtful.A good gift takes into account the needs of the recipient not just the desire of the giver. During my college years, I always knew what style of clothing to buy my brother because we had the same taste. It is nice and easy when a giver and recipient both like the same things, but often we buy or make gifts for people without thought to where the recipient will keep the item or if they can use it. I no longer buy clothing for my brother unless I know that he needs something, as he does not have a huge closet in his apartment. My wife and I have some very nice and expensive crystal that we never use. Wesleyan pastors do not need wine decanters. I have a sword and knife collection, but I do not add just anything I happen to find to my collection, although I started out that way. And in my journey towards simplicity I am sometimes finding that finding a new home for these items, whether selling or gifting, is just as difficult as finding a place for them in my own home.

I do not say this to devalue the love of the givers, nor my gratitude for the gifts, however, I do not think anyone actually intends for a gift to be a burden, but this happens when gifts are not thoughtful. As an example, it would be great to get the gift of a new smartphone, but it would be a financial burden to have to pay the contract fees over the next two years. Thus by “thoughtful” I mean not simply having remembered the person’s birthday, but having seriously considered the receiver’s needs, wants, living situation, finances, maturity, and perhaps other factors. God is thoughtful when he answers our prayers, thus we do not receive everything we pray for. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:7).

I love to see the surprise on a person’s face when they open a gift they did not expect, but as impersonal as it sounds, I have become a huge fan of the gift card, especially to general merchandise stores such as Target, Costco, or Amazon, which allows people to get what they need or want. For about three years, for birthdays, Christmas, and any other celebration that might come up, all my sister-in-law wanted was Apple store gift cards, in any amount, small or large. Some people thought she was being ungracious when someone wanted to give something more personal, but in retrospect, she was being smart. After patiently collecting her cards and forgoing other types of gifts, she was able to walk into the Apple store with her stack of gift cards, and purchase an iPad 2, and not be out one cent! I am glad I helped contribute to that. Although I asked for no gifts, my wife and I received many restaurant gift cards when we celebrated our master’s level graduations. After three years of barely having time for any dates, we can now go out for the cost of babysitting, and some people even included an offer of free babysitting! Those gifts will not be in my house for years, but they will provide memories I will keep for the rest of my life. Gift cards are also inexpensive to mail (and often sent for free via email or U.S.P.S. from the merchant) and can usually be purchased in any dollar amount.

The posts in this series are: